In The Dark Of The Night
by Dixon-Vixen13
Summary: In the wake of the battle for New York against the Chitauri, Clint struggles to forgive himself for his actions under the spell of Loki. Clintasha... cos they are awesome! One shot for now, may write more if you guys like it.


The battle of New York against the horde of aliens summoned by Loki had left the team of Avengers battered and bruised. With many having danced with death, to say spirits were low in the wake of it all would be quite an understatement. Of course they were happy that they had survived, but many lives had been lost and things had been done that couldn't be taken back. Its true when they say you don't know what you have until it's gone. Clint Barton was beginning to understand this now.

Although the trickster Loki was no longer in his head toying with his mind and bending him to his every will, Clint still felt as though not all of himself had returned with Natasha's 'cognitive recalibration' as she liked to call it.

It's a strange thing to be controlled like that, accepting whatever order is given even though in your heart you know it's wrong, but the hold over you is so powerful there is no way you can fight it. He had attacked his own people, at the orders of a mad man. Attacked Natasha, his own partner. His best friend. Clint wasn't sure he could ever forgive himself for what he had done, and he didn't understand how Natasha had forgiven him.

It was in the dark of the night that it haunted him the most. Each night he struggled to sleep, for fear that Loki was not completely gone from his mind. Worried that he would take over again and inflict more pain with his madness. It all played over and over in his mind, the people he'd hurt, the people he'd killed. But his thoughts always ended at the same place. Natasha.

There he sat perched on a ledge on the balcony of what was Stark Towers, now fittingly renamed The Avengers Tower. It had become a sort of headquarters for the team. After every nightmare, Clint would come out here to think, he enjoyed the cool night breeze against his skin. Looking out over the city was somehow calming. But tonight was different when he was suddenly aware he was no longer alone.

He watched as a shadowy figure emerged from the balcony door and wandered out into the open, the soft blue of the moonlight illuminating their features. Of course… it was none other than the woman he had been thinking about. Natasha Romanov.

"Can't sleep either huh?" he called out from his perch.

Romanov spun around, her stance quickly changing from relaxed to being ready for attack.

"Chill Tasha, it's just me" Clint reassured her as he jumped down from the darkness and revealed himself.

"I could've killed you"

"You wouldn't" Clint laughed as he leaned against the railing in front of her.

"You never know, one day I might if you keep hiding in the shadows like that. And do you always sit out here in the dark with no shirt on?" she questioned as her eyes subtly roamed over his muscular back and shoulders.

"I like the cool air"

"How often do you come out here Barton"

He thought about telling her the truth, that he spent practically all night every night out here. Unable to sleep because of the guilt he felt for the lives were lost. The fear he had that Loki would return, and that fact that he could've killed her and not been able to stop himself until it was too late, after all that was Loki's grand plan once he had no more use for him.

"Barton?" she said again, pulling him from his thoughts.

"More than I probably should" he answered cryptically.

"You have to stop torturing yourself like this"

"I can't Tasha, their deaths… their blood that's on my hands"

"No! It's not. That is Loki's doing. It is not your fault" she argued.

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" he asked, with a hint of defeat in his voice.

"Because you're human"

Clint sighed, he knew she was right. There was nothing he could have done to fight against Loki's mind control, but still he felt some sense of responsibility for it all. He had aided the madman in his quest to rule. He had killed for this man.

Her words, they broke through his walls and there was no stopping the flood of emotions now. It was only a matter of time, he knew holding it in like this was not a good idea.

"Tasha" he whispered, his voice breaking a little as he tried to fight back the tears. "I can't sleep, I replay everything in my mind over and over. It was like I was trapped inside my body, watching as he made me kill for him, made me hurt my friends, made me hurt you"

"It's ok Clint, I'm fine. You know I can kick your ass" she joked.

He couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his lips at her attempt to lighten the mood and make him feel better.

"You're not alone, I'm here for you"

"I think about it all the time, but you know what scares me the most Tash?"

"What?"

"That I could've lost you. Loki wanted me to kill you, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it"

"But you didn't" she reassured him.

"What if I had, I would never have forgiven myself" he whispered.

"Clint, look at me. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that. And Loki, he won't ever get to you again, I will fight until my last breath if I have to, to make sure of that. You're my partner Clint I've got your back, and I would die for you. You know that right?" she told him, as she placed a hand on his cheek, searching his ocean blue eyes for a sign that he believed her.

A small smile graced his lips at her words, and he leaned ever so slightly into her touch. "I know Tasha, and I would do the same for you"

He pulled her in and wrapped his strong arms around her body, the scent that was uniquely her washing over him. A little hesitantly she returned the gesture and melted into his embrace. She was never one for physical contact, it kind of came with the territory of being a spy. But with Clint, it was different. She trusted him like no one else, and he made her feel safe. They stayed like that for a moment, comfortable in one another's embrace, bathed in the light of the moon. Reluctantly he released her from his hold, and immediately missed the warmth of her body against his.

"Come on, you should really try and get some sleep Barton"

"I guess" he replied, not trusting that his mind would allow him sleep, but following her back inside anyway.

As they approached the door to Clint's room he reached for her hand and held it in his for a moment before raising his eyes up to meet hers. "Thank you Tasha"

"Any time" she smiled.

As she turned to leave for her room, he tightened his grip on her hand not wanting her to go. Something about being in her presence made him feel like everything was ok. Like everything was normal again. She turned back to him with a questioning look in her eye. "Clint?" she questioned, studying the look on his face. A look that seemed to be a mixture of fear, worry, torment and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Stay?" he whispered.


End file.
